we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
high people should be assigned attendants
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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