ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
