fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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