yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
