just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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