the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
