At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
