And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
