I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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