I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
