look no pants
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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