I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
