Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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