she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
