we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
