Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We need a shit load of segways right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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