I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
