I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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