atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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