Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
