Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
