the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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