I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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