After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
