I am puke
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
