I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
