Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
