sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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