I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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