We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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