u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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