highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
