i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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