i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
