He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
