that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
