For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
