Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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