I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
