The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
