And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
