Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
