do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
