didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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