i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
