I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
