OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
