we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You are the jesus of drinking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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