The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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