so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
