Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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