It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
