yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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