Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
